What did you just say?

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.” This is a quote from a famous nursery rhyme that many of us have learned as children, and have remembered well into our adult years. This phrase introduces the thought that you can get hurt by common nouns such as: persons, places, or things, however words themselves won’t hurt you. This is simply not true.

Words absolutely can, do, and will hurt you.  In my opinion, the words that do the most damage are the ones that you speak about yourself. On average men and women speak about 13,000 words a day. Though many words and phrases are often repeated, we are saying many things about many topics throughout the course of a day. Ironically one of the top words we use is “I”, as this is how we refer to ourselves in first person and convey our point of view.

Human conditioning is the process of behavior modification by which a subject comes to associate a desired behavior with a previously unrelated stimulus. An example would be a traffic signal that dictates your behavior to go or stop at a light.  When driving a motor vehicle the color green is synonymous with go.  This occurs when our understanding allows for the two to become one in the same, which confirms the conditioned response. Once conditioned, we no longer think and we simply just react. Green = Go.

As it relates to your verbal conditioning, I have compiled the top 3 phrases to remove from your self-talk in an effort to improve your self-image.

1. I can’t – when you state that you can’t, you are closing yourself to the reality that you can. When “I can” is not realistic, we choose not to work towards whatever we believe can’t happen and we allow the thought to die. I can’t do better for myself; versus I can do better for myself.
2. I won’t – when you state that you won’t, you are closing yourself to the reality that you will. When “I will” is not realistic, we choose not to work towards whatever we believe won’t happen and we allow the thought to die. I won’t do better for myself; versus I will do better for myself.
3. I don’t – when you state that you don’t, you are closing yourself to the reality that you do. When “I do” is not realistic, we choose not to work towards whatever we believe does happen and we allow the thought to die. I don’t know what to do; versus I do know that I can learn what to do.

If the above phrases seem similar it is because they are true, and repetition is the fundamental factor in conditioning. I am not cynical enough to believe that these phrases should never be uttered, however it is important to be conscious of the words you choose and what they really mean.  Change your thoughts and you will in turn change the way you speak to yourself, and others.

“Whether you think you can, or think you can’t you’re right” – Henry Ford